how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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