hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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