I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
