her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im holly from the hills drunk
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
