i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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