His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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