Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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