I'm eating all of the evidence.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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