this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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