Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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