My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
