Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
