my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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