He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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