so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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