i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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