glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
