"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
