Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize