sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
