there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
