She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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