But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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