are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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