Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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