keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
