So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
