I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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