we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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