It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
