google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
