So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize