Joe is yelling at the trees again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
