My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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