ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
