I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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