i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
