you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
