I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
