Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
