so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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