yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize