Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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