He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
