No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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