Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize