You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
