i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Watching her eat just hurts me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
