i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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