Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize