Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize