It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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