I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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