Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
