How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
