Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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