I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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