Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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