Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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