I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
