I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
