i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
