you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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