Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
