What did we do last night that was yellow?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
