so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
