OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
