i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize