i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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